Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
