Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
