I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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