I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
