Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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