i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
