1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
