I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
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