how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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