I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
