Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
