She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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