Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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