I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
