Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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