every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
