I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
