the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
