They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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