If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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