ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
