I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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