But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
