we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
