I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
