How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
