So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
