is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
