i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
