i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
