and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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