the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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