I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
