I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
