he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
