OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
