Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
