dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
