I puked a lego.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
40s are totally the cure
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
