So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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