yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
