She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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