I want to walk on stilts...naked
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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