and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
