and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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