Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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