is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
