Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just found a bag of teeth...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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