ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
