I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
