Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
