thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
